a private notebook
Notes on distance, desire, and little machines
This is a small personal blog about the strange ways people try to stay close when they cannot share the same room.
I write as M. About missing someone. About wanting without apologizing for it. About connected toys, awkward conversations, bodies, boundaries, and the tiny rituals that make distance feel less empty.
What I keep coming back to
Distance
When you want someone who is not there. Long-distance partners, travel, waiting, screens, voice notes, and the small rituals that make absence less cold.
Desire
Wanting without making an apology out of it. Female desire, body autonomy, shame, curiosity, and the right to have a private inner life.
Toys
Little machines that make distance feel less abstract. App-controlled toys, remote control, strap-ons, privacy, comfort, and the difference between novelty and connection.
Not a clinic. Not a review lab.
This is a notebook. Some posts are practical. Some are messy. Some are about sex toys, some are about the silence before asking for what you want.
Everything here assumes adults, consent, honesty, privacy, and care. Freedom is more interesting when people are clear with each other.
Start with these notes
- When you want to touch someone who is not there.
- The first time you ask about app-controlled toys without laughing.
- Why a toy is not a replacement for a person.
- What I would check before letting an app into my bedroom.
The first note is live. More are already waiting in the notebook.